Life in California is crazyness and stress. Life in California can be fast and furious, depending on how much you can restrain your libido – which I know you can't control much anyway.

So, to beat stress in California, you need to do two things: First, pick up a California Medicare advantage plan to cover all extra expenses arising out of stress that your Medicare plan cannot cover, and two, read the following patented stress busting techniques:

- Unplug your phone and sit listening to the sounds in your garden. So what if your wife's at the hospital having her brain tumor removed and so what if your vicious pet anaconda is lost in the garden. You just chill out.
- Soak yourself in the bathtub for over an hour. Relax in the knowledge that the doctors would have easily removed your wife's 20-lb brain tumor and don't worry yourself imaging that your pet anaconda can come up the bathtub pipes and shove its big head deep into your butt.
- Write down all the household chores and hand the list over to your wife. She'd be back already after her surgery, all fit to carry on with her housework.
- Clean up the top of your desk. It will make you feel nice and organized. So what if you just knocked over your wife's expensive medication! She has a California Medicare advantage plan too, and she can jolly well afford to get free drug replacements. Duh!
- Always discuss your problems with your friends. That will make them discuss their intimate problems with you. Now you are ready to blackmail them! The gossip will lower your stress and the blackmail will up your cash flow.
- Always be honest. But only with yourself. What you do with others is none of my business.